=Musings=

You know there are times
when your love has nowhere to go
perched atop a tree branch
hanging leaves for company
better than the songbirds' sparing glance
staring vaguely at that curious leaf
wishing the sky would send you wings
praying the earth is not as hard as it seems
forgetting all the love that's in the air
so much for your dreams, oh....

Send them out afar
postmarked from the stars
your love for strawberries sans cream
wrapped up in a musing

Store them in jam jars
tabbed and hidden in guitars
a hint of ice and chords of cream
dashed with sugared icing

Toss them to the schtark
who will shred them into glitz
feed them to snow daevils sans heart
all dressed up winterey

Oh, a reprieve from me
you must have somewhere to go
over the lake and dreaming
(I fell) wild and screaming
(not really) whatever or anything
goes skittering and snapping free
from this little musing, oh...

Muse

If we respect the velleity of life,
to muse is not an option one might find
from among the prosaic or latter-day poets.
Yet not as I will, but as you will.
Find among these sands, muses,
of deserts or beaches, entrapped
within the hourglass. You have an infinite
time, chances, coincidences, opportunities
strained out before you like neurons
fighting a war (gray versus white)
which matters not. Yet beauty is at stake
within the inky black. There is nothing,
nothing more humbling than to know,
to be remembered, in gray or black,
or marble-white. Statues preserved
in museums are made of plaster,
precisely defective in veracity.
So too, my muse of gray-black-white,
is my love for you.

=Mornings in silence=

Mornings in silence brings
me closer to those little things
which elude me in the night,
like the sparkle of dewdrops
waiting for first light.
As the hands of darkness creep
away from faces sleeping,
like a mirror unmisting,
I open my eyes and breathe
into the silence of your sleep.
Trembling eyelids to defy
consciousness as I blink-
Your waking and mine,
these mornings in silence betrayed-,
are but wakings within a dream.

=Me and You=

I drew a sharp and senseless me
From deep within my dream;
Colored it mad and melancholy
So lively yet lifeless it seemed.
I fleshed him out unfailingly
Each night if sleep surrendered
To me her lonely lucidity,
So elusive when i entered,
I felt an all-pervading force
Claiming me for creation,
To wield my will at its source-
Inchoate inspiration.

Small wonder then that you wrought
This fragile, flailing being;
Tormented by your endless thought-
From a merciless mirror fleeing
Till I tired and despaired
Of screaming and of silence
You cruelly kept and never cared
To explain my whole existence.
You have made me thus, I hate you so.
Your pitiful joy and sorrow
Are henceforth mine, and mine alone. Oh,
You shall not wake tomorrow!

=Man=

it seems the world is dead, and I,
I alone am awake tonight
only my room knows
and the stars, which are
always there, and the moon
which presides over the night
the insects are awake, and some other
creatures of the night.
this, is their world.

one or two vehicles pass
in the neighbourhood
i wonder what they are doing

i watch. there! is a man walking
slowly, gracefully, elegantly.
where is he going?
what secrets be there in this man's life
that he would be walking the neighbourhood
at such an hour?
he walked - to a car, and silently,
without a trace, drove away

this is a world of deep, dark secrets
witnessed only by the stars and moon and
silent creatures of the night
and I, sometimes, and one such as I.





staring out the window
at this nightworld
the stars are obscured by thick clouds
and so is the moon
the insects and creatures go about their business
and the ones with secrets hurry on
i watch, and i wonder
if I -
if I would ever meet
the one such as I.

Letus

i am coming home, and here is what i would like to do, would you accompany me?

let us go to the beach, i would like to walk into the roaring waves, feel the sand between my toes, the foam twisted around my skirt tail. i would like to splash water on your face.

let us go to a book cafe, we could sit shoulder to shoulder, silent shapes between body frames, the world between us caught in words on a page. i’ll read my favorite book, you can read yours too. let us share secrets, we don’t have to talk.

let us go have a picnic, maybe to a golden field with a rattan basket and checkered mats. bring your pen and paper, your voice and laughter, delicious cupcakes, and my lomo camera. i would like to take a picture of your face to fill up the void on my huge wall space. i would like to draw it into the circles that join my days.

let us go into an empty room and listen to music. let us go into a cold darkness and sing. let us go into the maze pruned by sharp isolation in our heads, play hide-and-seek, embrace with cold fingers, flesh dripping with intrigue, let us examine the unknown. let us draw stick figures on each other’s hands. let us enjoy a concoction of coffee and sunrise, let us sip champange and drown in the chocolate buffet, let us declare each minute a brand new day. let us eat cheap ice cream, play on rusty swings, say hello to our ancient primary school trees. let us put on our uniforms, let us pretend and make believe. let us wear blindfolds and take an unfamiliar bus. let us sit on the top deck, in the first row.

let us share experiences, create memories. let us be acutely aware of ourselves, of each other. let us crystallize the world into one moment, let us make sixty seconds last forever. don’t tarry, don’t make haste, come let us sit cross-legged on the floor, let us play the staring game, let us be intact, let us break. let us heat up, let us freeze, let us be quiet, let us holler. let us be friends, let us be lovers.

and then, only then, everything will be all right.

=Letter to a Friend= a sonnet

When I think of my coming date with thee,
My oft' thought friend whom I have yet to see,
I tremble with anticipation, free
Of fear; Imagined flights of what must be.

How will you look? Oh, would you recognize
Me waiting there alone, my pleading eyes?
What words you'd speak, some way to break the ice,
'Fore you bear me o'er to sweet paradise.

Ah, if I could foretell what'd come to pass,
What need have I then to meet thee, I ask.
So let Fate decide, leave the gods to fuss
O'er our future meeting, our first and last.

I write to thee now with what time I've left-
Perhaps we should not meet so soon, dear Death.

=In Passing=

In passing I met you strangely
as you just entered and I left
as a wanderer searching for you
In passing I found you
and you were fascinating
and devastatingly beautiful
In passing I fell in love again
with you my life began anew
with the frenzy of a thunderstorm
In passing I wrote blindly
to you so far away from me
to draw you closer like a ghost
In passing I dreamt madly
of you sweetly in the darkness
of the night kissing me silently
In passing I told you my feelings
for you were there as I waited
for something to happen to me
In passing I glimpsed the joy
in you I might find new faith
in this meaningless life we have
In passing I was so so sad
but you were there my friend
but I knew I could never stay
In passing I came to rest
where you will never find
where clouds drift lazily by
In passing.

Happy Birthday, in passing

=Lady I=

Off into stars we sailed one night
towards the sacred hole.
Light years pass and years of night
spent in the Lady I
Careening through vast and vacuous space
end when we catch the sight
Of black on dark, a haloed crazed
devourer of light.
Amidst the stark and stellar scraps
still drifts the Number N.
'N' for nought or one perhaps
for each and every end.

Ride straight against the polar jet,
breath of the dying spent.
Enter the Lady I and let
her play a last lament-
"Ylia ruf azore je n ich soforic rae"
Nothing to mark our passing way
but this entropic spray.

Lady I, we're all alone
within your frailing shell.
All around, the warped unknown
assault our every cell.
Years of night spent in your hold
return to salve me now.
Surely we've, my Lady I,
fulfilled our final vow.

=jax cerulean=

I trace your footsteps in pastel blue,
the colour of today’s sky, paint arcs
across borders. mine coalesce into a puddle
of ever-darkening teal, on the spot
where we first met. we dreamt of

a lake outlined by the lasting green of spruces,
the farmhouse, a dark shade of myrtle, standing
in a clearing near calm shores,
a pony’s whinny heard in the distance, all
hidden under winter’s pristine cloak. soon

it will be springtime, summertime — time to
share tales short and tall, together and
apart. my offering of simple vanilla pales
against the exotic overtones of your phrases:
anise, nutmeg, cinnamon, saffron. surely

I would be able to taste them in your words, your
eloquent gestures. so forgive me if tears fall on
my clasped hands, if your face is the furthest
thing I can bear to look at, if I look away. until
we find ourselves, here, cerulean, whole.

=Into Darkness=

Ravishing darkness
Unfolds sensually among
Twilight blue gentians

Haphazardly scythed
By night stained petals scatter
Upon memory

Tantalizing shards
Tipped with violet shadows curl
Evanescent blue

Ripples ceaselessly
Splinter into oblivion
Calm within chaos

Only just beyond
This swathe of fallen gentians
Carved as I wander

Helplessly into darkness.

=In my own world=

In my own world I am walking
down a long and empty street.
No, a long corridor echoing
now glides beneath my feet.
Doors magically appear,
walls painted in deceit.
No, voices hushed in fear
look from the window seat
down into my world below,
an ocean of purple and green,
where no lavenders grow,
only a makeshift painted screen.
White and black leaves inked
crumble from stone to dust.
No, ashes mixed in a drink
from bamboo burning fast.
Witches from the East
pinned upon my breast
conjure another beast
which fails the Turing test.

=Impúriel=

Iridescent blade
Melts through darkness in streaks of
Purple, blue and red
Unwoven, arcs of
Red fire and blue light merge
Into violet wrath.
Elements converge,
Lingering as colors all
Gracefully diverge.
Rising at nightfall,
Azure blade disappears and
Crimson shadows fall
Eternally upon Man.

=If you ask me=

If you ask me, I'll tell you I'm fine,
as always, there's no need to ask.
If you ask me, I'll say yes,
and go to the ends of the earth with you.
Cliché, I know, but you'll never ask, I know.
If you ask me, I'll do nothing.
So why do you ask me anyway.
If you ask me, I'll go.
So why don't you ask me?

=Love Song for a Moment=

Dear,
If you'll listen/see for a moment,
this is a love song for you,
but only for this moment,
so listen here carefully,
my dear...

Could it be
that in a moment
I have fallen
in love with you?
So deeply
or superficially,
it doesn't matter how much
but just that you know
for a moment,
I have fallen
in love with you.

Your insecurities
or hidden jealousies
and secret fantasies
have all come true.
Have I fallen
in love with you?
Do not think,
for a moment feel-
Oh can you hear
my single heartbeat for you?

Doubt not that's it true,
even for a moment
my love is with you.
You don't have to fear
if my heart skips a beat
and it is over for you
in this moment,-
I am so in love,
so in love with you.

Is it not enough
that for a moment
I have fallen
in love with you?
Why do you ask me what I mean by this,
that for a moment I'm in love with you?
But now that moment's passed,
I shall not answer you.

Could it be
that in a moment,
I will be falling
in love with you?
So subtly
or subconsciously,
it doesn't matter how long
before I'll ever know,
for a moment will come
when I'll be falling
in love with you.

=ITWY=

I confess I have written
a letter to you and sealed it
in an envelope addressed
to you, but now forgotten,
face down in my drawer.

Dear you,

I am entrapped within a poem,
a beautiful poem, with such moving lines
and compelling imagery which blinds me
to the world as it truly is.

They say prose can be as pretty
as poetry and more rich in its utility.
But the world as it is
before me stands as a dream
more than reality- prose parsed
into poetic bamboo leaves,
yes, only leaves.

My emotions and actions stem
from within this prison of words.
My thoughts and feelings are colored
by this limited green
and some sky when its blue.

But you know,
I really do not wish
to leave this world,
tinted as it is,
sparse as it is,
unpolished as it is,
so incomplete.

Tell me what's on the other side
so compelling as to pull me over.
Perhaps your skies are more than blue,
clouded white and grey or mostly unnoticed.
So you have streets and streetlights
for the people making their way home from work,
and cardboard boxes for those with no homes,
and concrete ones for those who have,
stacked up beside wooden dollhouses,
meant for the others.

You have a cold wind too
and a clockwork orange sun to keep you warm
despite clouds and sometimes rain,
for which you'll have raincoats,
actually more like umbrellas these days,
they tell me. I will miss my raincoat.

I will miss my imaginary blanket
if I wrap myself in a blanket of prose.
My blanket of made-up friends and lovers
exchanged for family and some people I know.
Instead of leaving it in a clump,
I'll have to fold my blanket,
brush my teeth and eat breakfast,
perhaps no longer with you.

It'll be like waking from a dream.
Even if remembered and recorded,
everything will be forgotten
or eventually ignored because
it was but a dream. I am sure
you've seen these words of a poet-
"Life is but a dream."

Faithfully yours,
me

P.S I love you

=i made love to a stranger=

i made love to a stranger
once upon a time
i couldn t see her face
and neither she could mine
in that complete darkness
and silence we did find
a moment of deep passion
as we intertwined
i never knew her name
i never heard her voice
i never saw her body
but only in my mind
we met again as strangers
and never knew our fate
was sealed as sure as ever
we fell in love instead
i made love to my lover
many times indeed
we never knew our past
but the love that lay ahead

Can I fall in love with you?

Can I fall in love with you?
i ask
in all seriousness and play
just moments ago
we were strangers again

No.
you said
in all seriousness explained
that you were already
in love with another

how strange and exclusive
your love
how normal and raif
would I answer my question
if you so desire

It perturbs me
you say
It perturbs me
i say
so we agree
la mé

i try each time
to love you as a stranger
as a friend as a person
as the commonest lover
so it goes
love is like snowfall
i wonder

from time to time
think of me as a stranger again
fall in love with me all over again

for no reason some day
you must ask
in all seriousness and play
Can I fall in love with you?
I'll grin
If you so desire.

Interesting =)

I do not care what car you drive. Where you live. If you know someone who knows someone who knows someone. If your clothes are this years cutting edge. If you are A- list or B-list or never-heard-of-you list. If your trust fund is unlimited. I only care about the words that flutter from your mind. They are the only thing you own. The only thing I will remember you by. I will not fall in love with your bones or skin. I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

-Andre Jordan

I saw this today and it took me for a moment, and then another. I felt something vague and yet I did not know what to think or feel. My mind savored the last sentence over again, and then once more; then the frame which held it, which so accentuated its beauty seemed to lock it into place.

I will not fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

Read it again. Mouth the words. Taste it on your tongue. Voice it. And I fail to imagine them. The work of any artist takes centerstage. It divests itself from the individual. Is this how it should be? Is this what an artist wishes to achieve?

My mind rebelled against these thoughts. I could not bear to imagine these beautiful lines in this light. Yet when I read the last line again it seemed so dependent on those lines before it. It is not the irony which pierces me, but rather the finality of that beautiful line which takes me.

At least it did not read:

I will never fall in love with anything but the words that flutter from your extraordinary mind.

If ever there was a beautiful way to die, it must be how that last line goes. Can you see the words fluttering as it kills you?
self
future negative
[fall in] love
rejection reversal
words [flutter]
others special
mind

Oh, how I am misreading those lines, am I? In a sense. I choose to interpret it so for you, my dear readers. For I too desire my loves to be more than words.

[May you pause to read my last line again and choose=]

=i am done with you my friend=

i am done with you my friend
we ve had our fun again
now bother me no more
i ve other things to tend
i ll speak to you tomorrow
if i need your help again
or just to keep our friendship
for my future use in case
i ll smile and laugh at your jokes
make my own for you to laugh
this way we ll never bother
to know each other well
we do so much together
we help each other out
but in the end we scatter
as soon as we must part
i so hate to be your friend
it torments me just to watch
myself smile like an idiot
wearing a melding mask
i long for night to come
for you to sleep so well
where i loosen all the bindings
but lose my sleep as well
i wonder if you ever
feel just the way i do
then it wouldn t matter
cos i d know just what to do
i d be a friend to you
just the way you want me
i sleep in peace at night
and be so happy when
i am done with you my friend

HAIKUS

:Haikus: raintree, leaves and dreams

=Haikus=
Haikus are precise
Puzzles; pure chaos undone,
Frail beauty complete.

=Raintree=
Raintree, immobile,
Waits patiently for rainfall
And people to shade.

=Leaves=
Leaves of fallen trees,
Green with dying jealousy,
Matter no longer.

=Dreams=
How many realise
Their dreams, so rarely happy,
Are never fulfilled?


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:Haikus: bamboo, swing and morning glory

=Bamboo=
Bamboo trees swaying
Flirtatiously rearrange
Diaphanous leaves.

=Swing=
Lifeless, a swing hangs
Unoticed, dying to share
Our passing purpose.

=Morning glory=
Bright morning glory
Picked by my trembling fingers;
Girl, interrupted.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Moth=
Mindlessly flinging
Against invisible walls
To a flame beyond

sigh my whole life just sighs

end

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:Haiku: snowflakes

=Snowflakes=
Delicate snowflakes
Melt upon my fingertips
Like forgotten dreams

dreamt of flying last night
ah, how long since...
how long will it be...?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:Haiku: window

=Window=
Beyond my window
Rain falls strangely unnoticed
As I turn the page

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Evenstar=

All this time I have
Rarely seen someone with such
Wistful dreamy eyes
Ever gazing at
Nothing tangible it seems
Every scene's a dream
Vast beyong mortal
Ennui, only she can see
Nothing will matter
Save Death who will bring
Tragic Life to bitter end
And sweet oblivion
Rest in everlasting peace.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Into Darkness=

Ravishing darkness
Unfolds sensually among
Twilight blue gentians

Haphazardly scythed
By night stained petals scatter
Upon memory

Tantalizing shards
Tipped with violet shadows curl
Evanescent blue

Ripples ceaselessly
Splinter into oblivion
Calm within chaos

Only just beyond
This swathe of fallen gentians
Carved as I wander

Helplessly into darkness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Gentians= a haiku chain
Ravishing darkness
Unfolds sensually among
Twilight blue gentians

Haphazardly scythed
By night stained petals scatter
Upon memory

Tantalizing shards
Tipped with violet shadows curl
Evanescent blue

Ripples ceaselessly
Splinter into oblivion
Calm within chaos

Only just beyond
This swathe of fallen gentians
Carved as I wander

Helplessly into darkness.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Zither= haiku chain
Zither strings tremble
hauntingly as cold fingers
enfold and caress

nonchalantly, deft
yet hesitant notes flicker;
unaware of thee

Come through the shadows
yonder secrets lie between
plucked and silent strings

heartlessly dancing,
each note, recklessly screaming,
restlessly sighing...

wavering barely
echoing in pale lament
receding always

fading to finality.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Moth= and =Butterfly= malheureusement

mindlessly flinging
against invisible walls
to a flame beyond

-moth

butterfly, wings scorched,
drifts like paper, torn, into
dying flames beneath

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Snowflakes=

delicate snowflakes
melt upon my fingertips
but forgotten dreams

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=heidi= haiku

for zyl, who thinks i
have someone, something to hide
read it while it lasts =)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Death= tanku
Rarely does it fall
unflinching between your eyes
killing soft and swift-
in the moment before you
avert your eyes, i will die.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:Melancholy: okazaki fragments
When you read this, are
you thinking of me? Do you
fear? Melancholy.

I know the cure. You
need faith, hope, love and more . Are
you still there, or lost?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

:Prayer:
If you have read this,
tell me now or forever
hold your peace. Amen.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=a white lie of clarity=

this blanket of snow
a white lie of clarity
for now let it be

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=the bark levity of strife=

While you still defy
the bark levity of strife,
cherry blossoms sigh.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=myu=

my little lady,
your point is most elegant
unsheathed and in flight.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=Grass=

Blades of grass arise
with delicate calm to face
the impending storm.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

=apples=

apples in a tree
rising from earth and rain bring
lightning to heaven

=Falling=

i wished one night
on a falling star
while the candle
blew itself in the breeze

i wished and hoped
for a falling star
that would land
right in my arms

and i met one day
the falling star
when the grass was green
and the tree leaves danced

i met and loved
my falling star
whose fall i'll stop in hopes
of keeping the star
by my side
on a saturday night
to wish on a falling star
with me

i wished one night
on a falling star
you are
my falling star,
no longer falling.

=Gentians= a haiku chain

Ravishing darkness
Unfolds sensually among
Twilight blue gentians

Haphazardly scythed
By night stained petals scatter
Upon memory

Tantalizing shards
Tipped with violet shadows curl
Evanescent blue

Ripples ceaselessly
Splinter into oblivion
Calm within chaos

Only just beyond
This swathe of fallen gentians
Carved as I wander

Helplessly into darkness.

Fortune-telling

Fortune tellers (the real ones at least)
need no crystal balls or carded tricks.
Your fortune gravely depends
on your meeting and really,
the payment they receive.

The telling begins the moment
they are requested; by whom, what for,
and how much you are paying.

If sufficient, they send out their spies,
spiders, cockroaches, and sometimes mosquitoes,
if they require a sample of blood and genes.
And if you skimp, so do they, fairly.

Armed with history and lineage
and other open, erm... privacies,
their spiders weave a web to catch,
not your future fortunes, but
your current destiny.

Once complete, they are ready to meet
you, so be prepared.
Your dress and bearing speak immeasurably,
of your propensity to pay, among other things.
Especially when you sit, like prey
in a web of their making.

Before you even ask your fortune,
they may already have seen your future.
What they are deciding, when they stare
at crystal balls or the veins in your hands,
is whether they should try to change it.
(especially if it is not a good one)

If you are lucky, they'll tell you vague nothings
which could mean anything to anybody. No point
changing your good fate accidentally.

If you are suay, they will hint,
they will warn, they will squint. No harm
facing your bad luck warily.

Especially when they make prophecies,
you must be warned. They are actively
shaping your destiny to their whims.
(hence the reason to be generous)

So even if you go home with misgivings,
and say it's all balderdash and bricks.
Their words weigh heavily already
on your subconscious scales of fate.
Either you believe in their powers
and reap their ends and effects
or ignore them and waste your measly fee.

For they've been taught, they've been told
by the fortune-tellers of old,
that the fee they receive is well
proportional to the faith they receive,
and thus the power they will hold
over what fortunes may be told.

=Forest=

So this is where I pause and turn around
to find the road behind has long disappeared
into the changing forest.

Turning back ahead, I spot another path;
one that has been there all along unnoticed.
There are roads made by others
and there are paths made by us.
The changing forest that lay
beside our roads and paths
is the path of possibility.

Voices call from down the road.
They wait, yes they wait, for me to arrive
and to go on down their road,
and along that road
lies the hearts of them.

There may be no turning back
but the forests always lay beside,
tempting those who turn to look behind
disguised as faint regret.

If you know where you want to go,
pick a road and get there.
Diversions along the way for interest
are fine but still you must get there.

If you do not know where you want to go,
follow those ahead of you,
choose which ever paths which interest you.
Eventually you will find a way.

If you do not want to go anywhere,
head into the forest.
For roads and paths are not for you.
In the forest you will learn
the meaning of life.

=ghost=

see me yet i see you not
cant touch you so touch me not
lay flowers at your grave by night
lilies swiftly swept away at dawn
offerings i burn
smoke in return
prayers i make
souls at stake
will you reincarnate
or just rarely incarnate
for pleasures of flesh
and mind enmesh
for i love you most
when you are a ghost

=Evenstar=

All this time I have
Rarely seen someone with such
Wistful dreamy eyes
Ever gazing at
Nothing tangible it seems
Every scene's a dream
Vast beyong mortal
Ennui, only she can see
Nothing will matter
Save Death who will bring
Tragic Life to bitter end
And sweet oblivion
Rest in everlasting peace.

=Enaid=

My dear Enaid, you havn't got a clue
Indeed, how much, it seems, I mean to you.
Love means nothing to the reluctant Muse
Enaid, come sing, you've nothing to lose.
Now caress your harp, meekly mesmerize
All the museless bards who but fantasize
Inside their airy minds, your faerie voice.
Do you see, Enaid? You havn't a choice.

=edge echo end=

Awaken me from this recurring dream,
Where nights sleepless in melancholy bring
Thoughts clawing desperate against severed scream-
Sanely echo, insanely echoin'

Save me
from this deluded fantasy
world
-reason of devoid Creation;
Fear
paralyses within without mercy
Save
-lucid so, caress fickle the
sere.

Let me leave this lonely reality,
Where days so languid in contentment send
Memories cascading so harmlessly
Over every edge, into certain end.